thoughts on temptations and tests

Im not what you would call a writer.Im good at typing my thoughts down whenever im able to process them.Though, theres this one thought that keeps coming to me this morning while i read a little in my bible. "YOU HAVE BEEN TRIED,TESTED, AND MEASURED, AND YOU HAVE BEEN FOUND WANTED.YOU HAVE BEEN BOUGHT WITH A PRICE." I know personally that the price was the blood of the lamb who stepped down from the thrown to save us from our sins and the pit of hell. Yesterday, in sunday school, my oldest brother taught on TEMPTATIONS AND TESTS. After Jesus Christ was baptized by john the baptist, he was led into the wilderness by the holy spirit for forty days and forty nights. Everyone knows the story. satan tempted Jesus promising him the world. At the time Jesus was fasting,staying in the presence of God, staying within his word, and praying for forty days and forty nights! That to me is astonishing. For the entire forty days satan had tried and tested and tempted Jesus everyday. But because he had stayed in the presence of God and fasted and stayed within the word of God, he overcame and defeated those temptations. I personally connect to this story a great deal because it seems as if I more than anyone else is tempted greatly everyday. Its hard living in this world,being around so many unsaved people, being so young in age and in the spirit of the lord and of the word of God. sometimes I fail in those temptations. But thankfully I know who saves me and forgives me and inspite of all my wrong,he still loves me. That truly is the biggest miracle ive ever seen and im still growing.trying to grow closer to the Lord, trying to grow stronger in faith,in spirit,in the word. Its hard for me because i can get distracted easily and sometimes lose focus and the vision of God my Savior. Its a daily struggle. Sometimes i wonder why its so hard for me to be on that straight and narrow and for others its easy and then I wonder if its because God has chosen me for something truly magnificent and i have to be shown worthy and faithful and true. You know, ive always known that we are tempted and tested and triedfor the main reason to prove our worthiness to be allowed to step through those gates of heaven or not. A lot of people will never make it. Most of the time Im not sure if i will or not. a lot of people think that theyve already made it when the truth is that this is only the beginning of this daily devotional walk with Jesus Christ. its a daily struggle and a daily choice. it doesnt come free. either you lose your life for him and gain it to solely live for him or you keep it and live for this world and live for the furious pit of hell. its a choice to make today tomorrow and every single second,hour, day of your entire life. its time to make that decision. whats your choice? He died,gave his life for you,why wouldnt you give your life and live for him? why wouldnt you want to have a relationship with him that you will NEVER have with anyone else. HE IS OUR STRENGTH,OUR ROCK,OUR BEST FRIEND, THE LOVER OF OUR SOUL. why would you trade that for this dark,cold,bitter,lonely world just to end up at the end of the day in a pit of fiery hell?I believe the lord is saying to us, its time to choose. "Me or this world."

              

                     



                 Patience? I definitely dont have any,though, im being taught by God to excercise it every second of every day of my life and ill tell you right now that its hard.I dont want to be taught patience because being taught by GOD is hard because hes bringing me through some stuff in my life right now that i have to have patience and not to be impatient because thats how you learn is to go through struggles that create patience. I dont like it if you ask me but ive prayed to GOD to give me patience and thats exactly what hes doing.  Strenght? I, alone, am not strong.In fact im probably one of the weakest peope i know if not the weakest. Im not talking about  physical strength either. Im talking about emotional and spiritual. At twenty-two years of age im about to be going through a divorce...Robbie and i have been together since we were fifteen years old. January twenty-eighth will have been seven years. We married at nineteen. I dont know why I married him. I thought it was because i loved him. Now thinking back, I think it was because i was afraid to be alone and didnt think that i could make it on my own. I made the mistakes that i cant ever change. Since day one it had always been a fight with him. Dont get me wrong,I love him with every piece of me and every bit of my heart. we together had damaged our relationship,trust,friendship,marriage to the point of no return. We tried to mend things these past couple of months but hes honestly over it all. Hes moved on and God gave me a love for him that ive never had before even when we got married. its always been sort of a convenience type ordeal. Sucks to actually admit that. Our whole entire relationship hes treated me woth no respect,no loyalty, always acting like a child. weve both aused eachother physically and emotionally and mentally. hes always called me names,lied to me about what hes doing or where hes at or who hes around. This past year I had finally given up on us and i went down to a level i never knew i would go to. never thought that i would be that type of person.for almost a year I  cheated and got drunk one night and then told him. We had both tried to mend things but he couldnt forgive me and i always said that i couldnt forgive myself but that was a lie. He continued to call me the worst names anyone could ever call anyone. I had thought i was a t the lowest point in my life. we were struggling finacially. we lost our home,our car,our faith, our love though we still hung onto eachother. Why? for what? we still fought continuously, i still talked to other guys. he talked to other girls, well just one, kelsey. we had lost everything and we were getting tired of holding on so we gave everything that we had left away and went to Georgia. i had met someone named Corey right before we left. I had continued to talk to him while we were in GA living at his grandparents house. to this day he doesnt know and ill probably never tell him. Corey knew how unhappy i still was especially up there round people that i wasnt comfortable being around and in a place i wasnt comfortable being in. Corey had told me he wanted to be with me and he convinced me to come back down to FL to be with him. i moved my little bit of stuff to his house and then he decides to tell me that he doesnt want a relationship that he wants to be friends with benefits and roomates...i was torn but i couldnt do anything now. i didnt have anywhere to go. i was stuck. no job,no husband, no home of my own, i was at his mercy and he made my life a living hell. he did nice stuff for me but treated me just as bad as robbie did or worse. he called me names and ditched me for other girls when we would go out somewhere. I then became a boderline alcholic. 3 months i lived with him.finally got a job at a department store and things were looking up for me but then he tells me that hes oving in with one of his coworkers. again i was worried,stressed,and couldnt even think. i was crushed again. then my sister had told me i could move in with her and so i did and so i started talking to robbie again and we decided to talk and work things out and i lived with ashley for about 1 week and i moved back to my home town where robbie was currently living. were actually both living here right down the road from eachother.while i ws at my sisters house corey and i had went out a few times,i spent the night with him at his new place a few times. and october 20th was the last ime i seen him.that was the last time i drank. tomorrow will be 2 months being sober. corey and i still talk. we remain friends i guess you could say. hes still a jerk and i dont know why i hold onto him. i had fallen for him in those three months. why? he made me jealous of other girls,talked down to me,used me whenever it was convenient for him and still i want to e friends with him? i still want to speak to him and to see him? im stupid.im done with this blog. ive said enough. i just know that GOD is pulling me through this. hes the only reason i havent given up on life.the only reason im not drinking myself to waste. hes carrying me through this and i know itll be over soon. my strength is through him who delivered me and saved me from myself and the hell of this world.