Patience? I definitely dont have any,though, im being taught by God to excercise it every second of every day of my life and ill tell you right now that its hard.I dont want to be taught patience because being taught by GOD is hard because hes bringing me through some stuff in my life right now that i have to have patience and not to be impatient because thats how you learn is to go through struggles that create patience. I dont like it if you ask me but ive prayed to GOD to give me patience and thats exactly what hes doing.  Strenght? I, alone, am not strong.In fact im probably one of the weakest peope i know if not the weakest. Im not talking about  physical strength either. Im talking about emotional and spiritual. At twenty-two years of age im about to be going through a divorce...Robbie and i have been together since we were fifteen years old. January twenty-eighth will have been seven years. We married at nineteen. I dont know why I married him. I thought it was because i loved him. Now thinking back, I think it was because i was afraid to be alone and didnt think that i could make it on my own. I made the mistakes that i cant ever change. Since day one it had always been a fight with him. Dont get me wrong,I love him with every piece of me and every bit of my heart. we together had damaged our relationship,trust,friendship,marriage to the point of no return. We tried to mend things these past couple of months but hes honestly over it all. Hes moved on and God gave me a love for him that ive never had before even when we got married. its always been sort of a convenience type ordeal. Sucks to actually admit that. Our whole entire relationship hes treated me woth no respect,no loyalty, always acting like a child. weve both aused eachother physically and emotionally and mentally. hes always called me names,lied to me about what hes doing or where hes at or who hes around. This past year I had finally given up on us and i went down to a level i never knew i would go to. never thought that i would be that type of person.for almost a year I  cheated and got drunk one night and then told him. We had both tried to mend things but he couldnt forgive me and i always said that i couldnt forgive myself but that was a lie. He continued to call me the worst names anyone could ever call anyone. I had thought i was a t the lowest point in my life. we were struggling finacially. we lost our home,our car,our faith, our love though we still hung onto eachother. Why? for what? we still fought continuously, i still talked to other guys. he talked to other girls, well just one, kelsey. we had lost everything and we were getting tired of holding on so we gave everything that we had left away and went to Georgia. i had met someone named Corey right before we left. I had continued to talk to him while we were in GA living at his grandparents house. to this day he doesnt know and ill probably never tell him. Corey knew how unhappy i still was especially up there round people that i wasnt comfortable being around and in a place i wasnt comfortable being in. Corey had told me he wanted to be with me and he convinced me to come back down to FL to be with him. i moved my little bit of stuff to his house and then he decides to tell me that he doesnt want a relationship that he wants to be friends with benefits and roomates...i was torn but i couldnt do anything now. i didnt have anywhere to go. i was stuck. no job,no husband, no home of my own, i was at his mercy and he made my life a living hell. he did nice stuff for me but treated me just as bad as robbie did or worse. he called me names and ditched me for other girls when we would go out somewhere. I then became a boderline alcholic. 3 months i lived with him.finally got a job at a department store and things were looking up for me but then he tells me that hes oving in with one of his coworkers. again i was worried,stressed,and couldnt even think. i was crushed again. then my sister had told me i could move in with her and so i did and so i started talking to robbie again and we decided to talk and work things out and i lived with ashley for about 1 week and i moved back to my home town where robbie was currently living. were actually both living here right down the road from eachother.while i ws at my sisters house corey and i had went out a few times,i spent the night with him at his new place a few times. and october 20th was the last ime i seen him.that was the last time i drank. tomorrow will be 2 months being sober. corey and i still talk. we remain friends i guess you could say. hes still a jerk and i dont know why i hold onto him. i had fallen for him in those three months. why? he made me jealous of other girls,talked down to me,used me whenever it was convenient for him and still i want to e friends with him? i still want to speak to him and to see him? im stupid.im done with this blog. ive said enough. i just know that GOD is pulling me through this. hes the only reason i havent given up on life.the only reason im not drinking myself to waste. hes carrying me through this and i know itll be over soon. my strength is through him who delivered me and saved me from myself and the hell of this world.